Ep-4: Flipping the Script on 'Not Enough': Building Self-Confidence

By | Last Updated: 17 January 2024

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Flipping the Script on 'Not Enough': Building Self-Confidence"

Today, we will deep dive into a topic that's close to the heart of many — building self-confidence.

In a world that often tells us we're not enough, it's time to flip the script and discover the power of embracing our own worth. So, wherever you are, be comfortable, slow down, and breathe in and out as we embark on this journey of self-discovery.

Understanding the 'Not Enough' Phenomenon: We've all been there —the nagging voice that whispers, "You're not good enough," "You're not smart enough," or "You're not worthy." It's a common experience, but it doesn't have to define us.

The first step is to acknowledge that these thoughts are simply scripts that we've internalized from the society, our experiences, and even our own inner critic.

Imagine a world where we challenge these scripts and replace them with a new narrative —one that celebrates our uniqueness and potential.

So starting with Where did this come from? The ‘I am not enough’ notion is a universal experience, but its roots and effects can vary greatly from person to person. It often stems from a combination of factors, both internal and external.

External Influences External influences, such as societal standards, cultural expectations, and media portrayals, can shape our perception of what defines our success and worthiness. The pressure to measure up to these standards can fuel the "not good enough" mindset.

Internal Influences Internal influences, account to the environment you grew up in, your parent’s style of parenting, the always being compared to others, ‘You are not good enough’ passages, and then once we accepted our parents’ dialogues, we made it internal and it became our monologue.

Imagine a young artist whose first drawing receives disapproval. That initial experience can shape their belief in their artistic abilities for years to come.

Inner Dialogue and Self-Comparison: Our inner dialogue plays a significant role. Most of the time, we are our biggest critic. Constant self-comparison to others or setting unrealistic standards for ourselves can perpetuate the feeling of inadequacy.

Picture this as a mental scale, with your accomplishments on one side and your expectations on the other. If expectations consistently outweigh accomplishments, the "not good enough" feeling flourishes.

Let’s Discuss the Detrimental Effects: The detrimental effects are self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. These effects are far-reaching, like ripples in a pond that disturb the calm surface of our lives. These thoughts seep into our interactions, decisions, and aspirations, casting shadows on our potential.

Imagine this scenario: You're presented with a new opportunity at work. Self-doubt creeps in, causing you to question your abilities. This hesitation may lead you to decline the offer, missing out on growth and learning.

The Influence of Fear and Vulnerability: Fear and vulnerability are powerful contributors. When we fear judgment or rejection, we create protective walls. These walls keep us from fully engaging in life and often reinforce the belief that we're not enough as we are.

Think about the employee who avoids speaking up in meetings due to a fear of being perceived as inadequate. That avoidance strengthens the "not good enough" narrative.

Personal Variability: It's important to note that the experience of feeling not "good enough" can differ from person to person. What triggers this feeling for one may not affect another in the same way.

Factors such as personality, upbringing, life circumstances, and individual resilience all shape how this belief takes root and manifests.

But there’s good news to this; We all have the power to catch our self-talk and find out exactly when and where the feeling of not being good enough stems in our life.

Ever heard of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon You notice something new, at least it’s new to you. It could be a word, a breed of dog, a particular style of house, a new model car, or just about anything. Suddenly, you’re aware of that thing all over the place.

It happens to us every now and then, just that we may not be aware of it. Imagine you are driving, and you see a new car, and guess what, this is a new model and you are curious to know the car maker’s brand, and other details. Just as you are curious about the car, you start seeing the car often as you go around.

The point is that your self-talk is a similar thing, once you become curious to catch your self-talk, you will often catch it, as you make a statement to yourself.

Flipping the Script: Rewriting Our Narratives: The journey to building self-confidence involves recognizing the origins of the "not good enough" belief and actively rewriting our internal narratives.

Consider a gardener tending to a plant. They nurture the soil, remove weeds, and provide sunlight. Similarly, we must nurture our minds, uproot negative beliefs, and feed our self-worth.

Embrace self-compassion, challenge your self-comparison, and celebrate your unique journey. The script of inadequacy is one you can rewrite with intention and dedication.

Unmasking the Inner Critic: To build self-confidence, we need to unmask the inner critic— the voice that reinforces our insecurities. It's time to confront it head-on. Picture your inner critic as a character in a story. What does it look like? What does it sound like? By externalizing it, you gain power over it.

Remember, your inner critic isn't a truth-teller; it's a distortion. Challenge its statements with evidence of your accomplishments, strengths, and moments of courage.

Flipping the Script: Embracing Self-Appreciation: Now, let's flip the script. Instead of focusing on what we lack, let's celebrate what we bring to the table. Think about your achievements, big or small. Reflect on the challenges you've overcome. Each success is a testament to your capabilities.

Embrace positive affirmations. Write down statements that counter the 'not enough' narrative. Read them aloud daily. Over time, they'll become ingrained in your self-perception.

Cultivating Self-Compassion: Building self-confidence requires self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. When you stumble or face setbacks, don't berate yourself. Instead, offer understanding and encouragement.

Remember, your growth comes from learning, and mistakes are stepping stones toward success.

Surrounding Yourself with Positivity: Our environment impacts our self-confidence. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, support you, and believe in you. Distance yourself from those who bring negativity. Your circle should be a source of encouragement and growth.

If you don't have good people to surround you, take it easy. I have been there. Just work on yourself, and you will find good people to connect with.

Additionally, be mindful of media consumption. Limit exposure to content that triggers feelings of inadequacy.

The Power of Affirmations and Self-Compassion: Affirmations are like seeds of self-empowerment. Plant them in the garden of your mind. Replace "I'm not capable" with "I am capable of growth." These affirmations shift your self-perception over time.

Self-compassion is equally crucial. Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd extend to a friend. When self-doubt knocks, respond with self-compassion rather than self-criticism.

Setting Achievable Goals: Setting and achieving goals boosts self-confidence. Start small, and gradually work your way up. Celebrate each milestone. It could be something as simple as completing a task on your to-do list that you have been procrastinating for long.

Remember, progress is progress, regardless of its size.

As we wrap up this episode, I invite you to reflect on the power of flipping the script of 'not enough.' Building self-confidence isn't about becoming someone else —it's about embracing who you truly are and realizing your potential.

Remember, you have the ability to rewrite your narrative. Challenge those old scripts, celebrate your uniqueness, and let your self-confidence soar.

Santosh Acharya Closeup

Santosh Acharya is a Engineer, Technocrat turned on to Psychology Geek. He is a Proud Family Man, a Husband, a Parent to 2 adults, an obedient Son to my Parent, a Curious, Problem solver, Creator, Coffee Lover, Life-Long learner, Food Maker, Engineer, Psychologist, Marketer. His life took a sharp turn, when his mother asked him, "If you could rethink what you want to do with your life, what could it be." 

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